Is Celibacy a Spiritual Gift or a Curse?

“I scored an eleven out of twelve for celibacy,” I shared in class as we discussed results from our spiritual gifts tests. As the words left my mouth, the reactions of my college classmates quickly spewed forward: looks of confusions, statements of astonishment, praise for something they did not understand. For most, celibacy would be more of a curse rather than a gift.

The “gift of celibacy” is something I am neither particularly proud of nor certain I will keep, but as for now, I could care less. I have always liked boys, but I never seem to like them enough. I may marry someone one day, but I am content with being single for now.

Around me, my peers are obsessed with dating and finding ‘the one.’ It feels like everyone is constantly worried about love and hung over the desire to have a significant other. I agree that a relationship can be enjoyable, but if you are in a season of singleness, you should really see it as a blessing.

‘It is never selfish to take the time to discover more about yourself.’

When you are single, you have more time and flexibility to focus on yourself. It is never selfish to take the time to discover more about yourself. You can uncover new interests, recognize what inspires you, curate your dreams, and learn to be at peace in your own company. There is an abundance of wonderful perks of being single that are easily overlooked when your mind is wrapped around the thought of another person. It is a liberating feeling to understand who you are what you are passionate about in life.

In addition, singleness means you do not need to compromise in order to please another person. Your goals do not need to align with the goals of anyone else. It will help you recognize your true priorities and interests in life instead of going along with the ideals of someone else.

Then, when you do find yourself in a relationship, you will be able to enjoy the other person’s company without being dependent on them. You can share time with each other without being hung at the hip. Because you recognized the joy of being alone while single, you can also find the same joy during the times of being alone despite being in a relationship. You will survive not talking to your significant others for a few hours without wanting to curl up in a ball. Knowing your priorities, you will know how deeply they align to your happiness, and you will not let another person take that away from you.

I do not think relationships are bad. I know that humans were created to be with one another. However, if you have an unhealthy mindset, then I believe you will have unhealthy relationships with people. We need to stop pressuring one another to be in romantic relationships. Some people should not be in relationships for a period of time or for their entire life. In some instances, people thrive on singleness and do not deserve being reprimanded for their decision.

Homeschooler in the Real World

Emma Folts, a sophomore at Wheaton College, shares her experience about her transition into college and how homeschool has both helped and hindered her.
How has your homeschool experience benefitted you, especially in your transition into college?
I think the one thing that homeschooling did that was really helpful as I entered college was that it taught me time management. As a homeschooler I had the same freedom as a college student has to put things off during the day and go see a friend instead. Since I had that experience, I knew the cost of that.
Also, personal responsibility and accountability with assignments. I feel like a lot of the other students had more expectations for gentler grading and that the professor would give them retakes or extensions, but that wasn’t something that ever happened to me in school. That learning curve wasn’t added because I never had it the other way. I think another thing was that because I was homeschooled, I was familiar with the format of teaching and then studying on my own.
Did you see any issues with your transition socially?
I think that homeschooling had two ramifications for me socially. One was helpful, one was hurtful.
It was really helpful because as a homeschooler, I had spent a lot of time realizing and developing who I was as a person and learning to recognize people who were being themselves, and those were the people I sought out as friends. Friendship as a homeschooler takes a lot more investment. I knew I was choosier with my friends which made me a lot less anxious and a lot more content.
The only real negative impact of the social bit was that I was really used to getting to choose the time I got to spend with people. As a homeschooler I spent a lot of time with people, but that time was controlled by me. As a college student, I found that you can’t really control the time you spend with people and alone time is not really available. Learning to deal with that was a lot harder than anticipated.
Any last comments on homeschool and how it has affected your college experience?
I think homeschooling is really helpful, however it does take a slightly increased amount of advocacy with your peers when you’re entering into college. I think a lot of people come in with certain assumptions about homeschool, especially students. You’re going to get a lot of, ‘oh my gosh, you don’t seem like a homeschooled person!’ [You can’t] take that too personally and explain your experience so that friends can understand it’s an important piece of you, though it might not look like the homeschooling that they’ve seen.
My encouragement to anyone who is a homeschooler transitioning into college is to realize the benefit that you have having been homeschooled, and to realize that the bit of advocacy and explaining that you need to do with your peers is totally normal and that it’s not a big deal. Once they understand your experience, it’s not something I’ve experienced being looked down on for.