Desperate to be a Housewife: Living the American Dream

Lululemon Stay-at-home mother. Housewife. Lady of the house. Homemaker. Call her what you will. These days, there seems to be great tension between the idea of stay-at-home moms and working women. Especially in the past decade, it seems that the stay-at-home mom is disappearing. In popular TV shows, such as Glee, Cougar Town, and Private Practice, the working mother is portrayed as the “norm.” However, Bree from Desperate Housewives is more accurately an icon for the ideal American wife today. While it seems that stay-at-home moms are becoming a thing of the past, this is not the case. In reality, the number of stay-at-home moms has increased in the past decade and many working women still harbor a strong desire to be at-home moms, contrary to Hollywood and pop culture. Most working women idolize females like Bree, living the “perfect” at-home life.

If a woman does stay at home, she is most often portrayed in media as ditzy or uneducated, clearly living a lesser life. One study in 2010 conducted by the Census states that stay-at-home mothers compared to those in 1979 are younger, less educated, and more likely to be Hispanic. While these facts cannot be denied, the truth of the matter is that more women wish that they could stay at home.

In 1969, 44% of married mothers with children under the age of 15 were stay-at-home moms. This number decreased in 1979 to 34% and declined again in 1989 to 25%. By 1999, the number of stay-at-home moms declined slightly to 24%, and increased in 2009 to 26%. More than one out of every four mothers stays at home with her children. In media outlets today, this is not something that is accurately portrayed.

Work in the office? No thanks! Many working women are saying this. According to a survey by ForbesWoman and TheBump, 84% of working women believe that staying home to raise children is a financial luxury they aspire to. Furthermore, over one in every three women resent their partner for not earning a larger salary to make this dream come true.

A survey conducted by uSwitch found that 75% of new mothers would stay at home to raise their child if they could afford to. Further, 60% of mothers returning to work after having a baby only do it for financial reasons, such as paying off debt or other financial pressures. Only one in seven of those women reported wanting to actually develop their career.

While media outlets continue to portray a dying stay-at-home mother, the truth is that she is perfectly alive. And the women that are not staying at home want to be. The reason why more women are not staying at home is because they feel financial pressure to support their families. Of working mothers surveyed, 69% feel pressure to work because their family is unable to survive without the additional income. While 10% of stay-at-home moms regret giving up their career, this is certainly not the majority.

Women can have it all: a great marriage, family, awesome career. Well can they? According to Anne Marie Slaughter, an ex-high power government worker, you really can’t have it all in today’s society. Perhaps, there is great truth to this. Perhaps, this realization is correlated to the rise in stay-at-home moms. Or perhaps, it is at least tied to the desire for the majority of women wanting to stay at home with their children. Do you want to be a stay-at-home mom? Would you want your wife to stay at home with your children? Men, how do you feel about being a stay-at-home dad?

Follow Emma on Twitter @emmanikole29

Homeschooler in the Real World

Emma Folts, a sophomore at Wheaton College, shares her experience about her transition into college and how homeschool has both helped and hindered her.
How has your homeschool experience benefitted you, especially in your transition into college?
I think the one thing that homeschooling did that was really helpful as I entered college was that it taught me time management. As a homeschooler I had the same freedom as a college student has to put things off during the day and go see a friend instead. Since I had that experience, I knew the cost of that.
Also, personal responsibility and accountability with assignments. I feel like a lot of the other students had more expectations for gentler grading and that the professor would give them retakes or extensions, but that wasn’t something that ever happened to me in school. That learning curve wasn’t added because I never had it the other way. I think another thing was that because I was homeschooled, I was familiar with the format of teaching and then studying on my own.
Did you see any issues with your transition socially?
I think that homeschooling had two ramifications for me socially. One was helpful, one was hurtful.
It was really helpful because as a homeschooler, I had spent a lot of time realizing and developing who I was as a person and learning to recognize people who were being themselves, and those were the people I sought out as friends. Friendship as a homeschooler takes a lot more investment. I knew I was choosier with my friends which made me a lot less anxious and a lot more content.
The only real negative impact of the social bit was that I was really used to getting to choose the time I got to spend with people. As a homeschooler I spent a lot of time with people, but that time was controlled by me. As a college student, I found that you can’t really control the time you spend with people and alone time is not really available. Learning to deal with that was a lot harder than anticipated.
Any last comments on homeschool and how it has affected your college experience?
I think homeschooling is really helpful, however it does take a slightly increased amount of advocacy with your peers when you’re entering into college. I think a lot of people come in with certain assumptions about homeschool, especially students. You’re going to get a lot of, ‘oh my gosh, you don’t seem like a homeschooled person!’ [You can’t] take that too personally and explain your experience so that friends can understand it’s an important piece of you, though it might not look like the homeschooling that they’ve seen.
My encouragement to anyone who is a homeschooler transitioning into college is to realize the benefit that you have having been homeschooled, and to realize that the bit of advocacy and explaining that you need to do with your peers is totally normal and that it’s not a big deal. Once they understand your experience, it’s not something I’ve experienced being looked down on for.