Black Friday is a crazy time. Crowds of people come waterfalling away from their thanksgiving dinners and football games increasingly early on thursday night at the call of savings, the promise of amazingly good deals designed to separate them from their money. It’s a holiday designed by consumer society. According to CNN over 300 million shoppers participated in this mad dash event, will the total cash spent reaching almost 60 million dollars, and five lives lost. With the average cash spent per customer reaching an all time high of $430, there is nothing but satisfaction coming from the giants corporate America. It is one thing to learn statistics about the this rising holiday, but another altogether to experience it first hand. This year I ventured out into the fray to witness the types of people who could observed participating in this notorious craze.


  1. Overly-Giant TV Man

Overly-Giant-TV Man Left thanksgiving dinner early, and has been camped out in front of best buy for longer than anyone would like to admit. His gaze is steely, his jaw set tight with determination behind his two day scruff. He came here with one goal; to procure the most obscenely large television for his football watching pleasure at the price of a tank of gas.


  1. Adolescent-Gamer Boy

Adolescent-Gamer boy is as unsophisticated as he is passionate about his call of duty fan loyalty. He set up shop outside gamestop as soon as his parents would drive him, and through persistent demands has adopted the goal of gaining for himself the most exclusive limited ultimate special legendary edition of the latest console complete with the most recent installment of the Call of Duty: Black Ops. He spends the hours waiting thinking of creative new ways to slander opponents on online multiplayer which will become his arena for 72 hours of the coming week.


  1. Fashion-Maniacs

This breed of Black Friday shopper has transcended, molded completely into the ideal consumer who themselves is so consumed by an insatiable need to purchase outfit after outfit after outfit. The Fashion-Maniac is typically a female aged between 14-35, whose natural habitat is designer outlets and high end department stores. These shoppers are most often equipped with leggings, Michael Kors boots, a northface vest, and fortified by a pumpkins spice latte. There is no foreseeable end to their fabric-lust save the natural barriers of hunger, thirst, and exhaustion.


  1. The Shop-to-Survive College Student

This shopper is at the end of their financial rope, staring down the burden of their crippling student loans, their are taking advantage of all the black friday deals as if their lives depended on it, and in a way they do. Some travel alone, others in roving packs, searching for the bare necessities that they will need to survive the coming winter. Caution: approach slowly, avoid eye contact. These shoppers will do anything for a fresh meal.


  1. The Cyber-Shopper

Playing it cool the Cybershopper makes the tactical decision to preserve their hide by avoiding the crush of manic consumers and silently yet efficiently reaping the benefits of Black Friday and cyber monday savings from the comfort of their den.

  1. The Professional

Their needs carefully assessed, the professional Black Friday shoppers are calm cool and collected as they smoothly navigate their pre-plotted course throughout the commercial sprawl, knocking out every carefully researched and prioritized deal. At the end of the day the Professional drives home, their car loaded with every single Christmas gift they are to give for the next five years.


  1. The Casual

They didn’t understand what they were getting into. They didn’t understand the sheer power of the capitalist society, they unstoppable, irresistible force of thousands, nay, millions of  americans harnessed by greed out in force. They’re out of their depth in the madness of Black Friday. They go home and watch the charlie brown thanksgiving special instead.


  1. The Coat-rack

Dad, Grandpa, Mom, husband- they were dragged into this game. They sit there, their eyes staring off soulessly as their loved one rifles through dozens of items, and sucks the money from their wallet til they can bear it no longer. You might see this shopper lost, confused, and disheartened, wandering through Forever 21 in search of escape.