Waiting for Lightning: How a Ballet about Job’s Suffering Defined My Year at Wheaton

Defining moments.

Some times they are the most insignificant of events that grip us in the mundane routine of life.

Or at least mine was this year at Wheaton. At the end of the year I went to a free ballet based on the story of Job. On a whim mostly, just to procrastinate exam studying a little more. Graceful limbs twirled and contorted to the modern interpretation of the story of a good man who lost everything.

As I sat in the darkened theater, the same quiver of indignation for Job I had as a little girl bubbled up within me. Job did everything right. I could understand, begrudgingly, hardship in my own year at Wheaton. I was hardly “blameless and upright,” nor did I have an abundance of Thunderbucks and financial aid that bespoke God’s favor.

But Job was different. Didn’t even God and Satan point him out? How then could God allow such suffering to such a faithful follower? And if He treated such exemplary figures like this, what hope was there for me? I struggled in the age old debate that pits God’s sovereignty against His goodness. Stewing in my seat, the amplified thunder claps slashed through the speakers, announcing God’s response to Job’s lament and blame.

“Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you and you shall answer me.” (Job: 38:2-3)

I felt my pointed finger shrivel and dig a quiet grave deep into my pocket.

“…do you condemn me to justify yourself?” (Job 40:8)

I felt ashamed. This year had been hard. Transferring as a sophomore from an awesome freshman experience at another Christian liberal arts school, I had followed God’s call to Wheaton only to feel incredibly let down. I had experienced loneliness, confusion, bitterness, and the most frigid winter of my life. I felt like I had lost everything I had gained the previous year: my friends, my mentor, my community, and my spiritual growth.

After the ballet let out, and I walked blindly back to my dorm room in the misty night. Digging out my Bible I opened to the first chapter of Job, after he had lost everything.

“At this Job tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship…” (Job 1:20)

Suddenly I was back in my bathroom at the beginning of the year, the air vent in full roar as I cried out to God in my fear and loneliness. He repeated to me now what He said then, with the lyrics to a Matt Redman song:

“You give and take away…My heart will choose to say…Lord blessed be Your name.”

I was floored. After an entire year of, what I saw as failure, He chucked my chin and asked me the same question:

“Will you still bless my name?”

Never mind there was only a week of school left, I took one from Job: ‘Then she fell to the ground in worship.’

Homeschooler in the Real World

Emma Folts, a sophomore at Wheaton College, shares her experience about her transition into college and how homeschool has both helped and hindered her.
How has your homeschool experience benefitted you, especially in your transition into college?
I think the one thing that homeschooling did that was really helpful as I entered college was that it taught me time management. As a homeschooler I had the same freedom as a college student has to put things off during the day and go see a friend instead. Since I had that experience, I knew the cost of that.
Also, personal responsibility and accountability with assignments. I feel like a lot of the other students had more expectations for gentler grading and that the professor would give them retakes or extensions, but that wasn’t something that ever happened to me in school. That learning curve wasn’t added because I never had it the other way. I think another thing was that because I was homeschooled, I was familiar with the format of teaching and then studying on my own.
Did you see any issues with your transition socially?
I think that homeschooling had two ramifications for me socially. One was helpful, one was hurtful.
It was really helpful because as a homeschooler, I had spent a lot of time realizing and developing who I was as a person and learning to recognize people who were being themselves, and those were the people I sought out as friends. Friendship as a homeschooler takes a lot more investment. I knew I was choosier with my friends which made me a lot less anxious and a lot more content.
The only real negative impact of the social bit was that I was really used to getting to choose the time I got to spend with people. As a homeschooler I spent a lot of time with people, but that time was controlled by me. As a college student, I found that you can’t really control the time you spend with people and alone time is not really available. Learning to deal with that was a lot harder than anticipated.
Any last comments on homeschool and how it has affected your college experience?
I think homeschooling is really helpful, however it does take a slightly increased amount of advocacy with your peers when you’re entering into college. I think a lot of people come in with certain assumptions about homeschool, especially students. You’re going to get a lot of, ‘oh my gosh, you don’t seem like a homeschooled person!’ [You can’t] take that too personally and explain your experience so that friends can understand it’s an important piece of you, though it might not look like the homeschooling that they’ve seen.
My encouragement to anyone who is a homeschooler transitioning into college is to realize the benefit that you have having been homeschooled, and to realize that the bit of advocacy and explaining that you need to do with your peers is totally normal and that it’s not a big deal. Once they understand your experience, it’s not something I’ve experienced being looked down on for.