Waiting for True Love? I Did and Don’t Regret It

Guok Cheng Ching

Guest columnist

I turned 29 this year, yet I have never had a boyfriend. No one likes to be alone. Everyone longs to have a partner. I have been so eager to love and be loved.

When I was 21, I was away from my family for the first time to further my studies.

I could only go back home once every two months. Away from home, I needed to take care of myself, including my daily living, food, and health. In this period, I was so envious of friends who were dating.

“Why do they all have someone, but I am still alone.”

After God created Adam, the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” I believe God desires for each of us to have a life partner, unless you have the gift of singleness.

More Girls than Boys

Recently, I read a book and one of the lines drew my attention. “It’s challenging if you want to find a mate who suits you, because the population of girls is greater than boys.” That’s right. According to 2015 UN sex-ratio research, there are more females than males in the population of at least 100 nations worldwide.

I don’t believe I have been “too picky.” When I was studying in high school, there was a guy pursuing me. I never thought that he might fall in love with me. He pursued my best friend before, but my friend rejected him. At that time, I offered to be his listener. We talked often by phone. At the end of that year, he told me that he would be going to another state to study. At the moment of his departure, he said to me, “Will you wait for me? I have fallen in love with you.”

I had no idea on how to respond him, so I chose to run back home immediately. After one month, I told him, “No.”

This is because at the time, I was still studying in high school and needed to focus on my schoolwork.

After a few years, I became afraid of being too close to any guy. Any time I had a hunch that a guy might fall in love with me, I kept my distance.

Starting with Friendship

Time dragged for 13 years. When I reached age 29, an incident happened and it changed my life. A young man whom I have known him for six years expressed his affection for me. We knew each other through a Christian student association.

Once I asked him, “Did you tell your other friends?”

He answered, “No, just to you.”

I was touched and this was the beginning of our friendship. He called me as his “elder sister” and I also treated him as my younger brother.

“What are the things you will look for in choosing a mate?” Whenever I was asked this question, my answer was and always will be “he must have a sense of humor, good leadership, and also be a good listener.” And the man I mentioned fits all these things, and so we began to date each other. My heart was filled with so many thoughts over this time. Finally, I could only calm down through Bible reading and prayer.

Does God really have a plan?

I am not a person who easily accepts some guy on first sight, I am much more traditional. Friendship comes first. “True love waits” is what I believe.

Though we as single women may feel lonely at the moment, we can build character and improve ourselves in every aspect. I am far from perfect, and sometimes I am stubborn on little things. But because of love, we learn to let go of ourselves, communicate, and strive to solve conflict within our relationships.

Because of God’s love, we learn to commit ourselves to each other. So, no matter what circumstances you are facing right now, believe that God is in control and our Lord has a wonderful plan for your life.

Guok Cheng Ching is a writer from Petaling Jaya, Malaysia.

Photo credit: Flickr

Homeschooler in the Real World

Emma Folts, a sophomore at Wheaton College, shares her experience about her transition into college and how homeschool has both helped and hindered her.
How has your homeschool experience benefitted you, especially in your transition into college?
I think the one thing that homeschooling did that was really helpful as I entered college was that it taught me time management. As a homeschooler I had the same freedom as a college student has to put things off during the day and go see a friend instead. Since I had that experience, I knew the cost of that.
Also, personal responsibility and accountability with assignments. I feel like a lot of the other students had more expectations for gentler grading and that the professor would give them retakes or extensions, but that wasn’t something that ever happened to me in school. That learning curve wasn’t added because I never had it the other way. I think another thing was that because I was homeschooled, I was familiar with the format of teaching and then studying on my own.
Did you see any issues with your transition socially?
I think that homeschooling had two ramifications for me socially. One was helpful, one was hurtful.
It was really helpful because as a homeschooler, I had spent a lot of time realizing and developing who I was as a person and learning to recognize people who were being themselves, and those were the people I sought out as friends. Friendship as a homeschooler takes a lot more investment. I knew I was choosier with my friends which made me a lot less anxious and a lot more content.
The only real negative impact of the social bit was that I was really used to getting to choose the time I got to spend with people. As a homeschooler I spent a lot of time with people, but that time was controlled by me. As a college student, I found that you can’t really control the time you spend with people and alone time is not really available. Learning to deal with that was a lot harder than anticipated.
Any last comments on homeschool and how it has affected your college experience?
I think homeschooling is really helpful, however it does take a slightly increased amount of advocacy with your peers when you’re entering into college. I think a lot of people come in with certain assumptions about homeschool, especially students. You’re going to get a lot of, ‘oh my gosh, you don’t seem like a homeschooled person!’ [You can’t] take that too personally and explain your experience so that friends can understand it’s an important piece of you, though it might not look like the homeschooling that they’ve seen.
My encouragement to anyone who is a homeschooler transitioning into college is to realize the benefit that you have having been homeschooled, and to realize that the bit of advocacy and explaining that you need to do with your peers is totally normal and that it’s not a big deal. Once they understand your experience, it’s not something I’ve experienced being looked down on for.